Is she actually back

Hi,
Sorry for being silent for so long, I was busy with my office work and she was Ok with me again.

I know she is back and I can see that she has not stopped her previous link, she keep in touch with them and from the way she acted with them I think she is hiding that with me and having connection with him too.

Because she wanted me to leave early so bad toady when my friends was calling me for a drink. I went down for a fag and suspected her second guy that I know was still in the office and he will definitely go to her talk with her. So I can back, you know what, I was correct and not like for me, she has stopped her work and turned to him and having a very interesting chat.

So she may have tell him not to talk in front of me and to have the connection when i am not around.

Is she really back only for me, I know it is not.

This might be my only best connection that I have with her. So lonely yar and cant help it, I only love her and she love more guys.

Do you really think that she will be back with me for real? Not sure. I am typing what ever coming to my mind, so that you will learn a lesson about love.

If you are a player that is fine and best at my situation but if other person is not a player, she will hurt more like me, just think of that.

When you say you love someone, mean it and remember you can never fall in love with another one if that person also truly love you.

This is may be there were some girls who really loved me, but I never wanted them because I love my Shona.

Love truly only to the right fit (I know it's joke, you can not find it until you do and you will know it after sometime like me, then toooo late)

Sorry, I got to go. be save and happy not like me. She is having all the possible connections she can and I act like I don't realize, because I don't want to make her angry with me.

It is funny, she say I love you and flirting with other guys, but when I say that, she gets angry with me and it hurts me again, so double hurt. I will keep one hurt and wish that God end my life today.

So funny, I think even after I die, I will feel the same pain.

Sorry for telling all these things to you. I have no one else t's just this blog that probably no one will ready.

TC :( I don't know I am trying and i might be the luckiest guy if I can die today. God if you are feeling what I do, you know that it is fair. pls. help me and end my life and soul, so that no pain will come to me again and make people that truly love each other. Do no let even a enemy of mine feel this pain, it is too much and in every second.

May be I am stronger now, I can hide the pain and suffer to my self, but hurts so much that I want to rip out my heart and trust me I can feel the heat of my heart.

Oh, you know why I started smoking and drinking, So that my body gets weak and I will die soon.

Buy for real.

PS : yet, I still love her... I love you Shona, you don't know how much and how much it hurts when you do the things you do with other guys and it burns me. Anyway as long as you are happy, I will not tell those again to you, because you tell me it is disgusting for you. take care, if God hears my prayer and kills me today, I wanted you to know I love you and do not hate you.

but don't do thins to another guy who really loves you like me, it hurts like shit. TC :)

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She is back

Hi There,

As I said she is back a little bit again with me, but yet I do not know when she is going back as she is not having the intention of being with me rest of her life. She needs to make her family life so good and yet she loves me.

Those days we used to be very closed and very wonderful life. Now she calls me and talk to me but do not want to go out with me, she does not miss feeling me, she does not want to hold me or to kiss me.

This is my life. I think now it has being neutralized and she is trying to fade away from my life with out hurting me.

Anyway she do not know, no matter what I will always feel the loneliness and will not have the idea of getting married.

The reason is, if I am to marry there should be some one who can make me more than I felt with her and I will not have such one as I do not have the idea of looking for one or interacting with anyone on that way and I made a promise to her that she will be my first and only.

So this is the update as at today, even today she called me and asked about some office some and talked about it. The girls that was there to help out us in the office just left the company.

No problem, this is the update I have as at today. Let's see how it works out. Even though she talks with me I know she is not giving me the full as she used to be and she is moving away and I am feeling lonely.


C U again with another story of my love life day.

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