The Last Option

Hi, guys,

Now i understand, she loves me only when there is no husband or other guy to love. If there are some like that I have being ignored and kicked. To get pass through this, I try to go on trips and try to go out with friends and drink a lot, but all just temporary, but when I am alone, it sucks to see that she do not even notice me or do not want to talk to me like the way she used to.

Anyway I believe she is happy, because she got others to chat with not the same old guy that she used to chat and love lot.

 Sad story, but some songs are true, i can't berry it when I am alone, just like now. The pain in my heart is lot but she thinks I am happy and over it, no point of telling her these things, it is just a story from guy to her. So I write, may be I am no longer alive when you read this, but remember love is so dangerous when other partner just want to feel the love when she wants and when she can replace you from another guy.

So true the story of love is not a happy one for me always, ti has being those days but not now, my main weakness is that i can not get over this or cheat anyone, if yes and just wanted sex like most guys, I would have moved out gladly as I have already slept with her many times than i could count. I do not want to be a hero by having sex with another women and keeping her in pain, you know what some women just want that to have sex and they want you to forget about her.

I do not believe that my Shona is not like that, but the way she moves and talk with other guys also, I have a doubt about that. it is strange, after every weekend she is so distant and has not missed me during the weekend like she used to.

So many pain and thought that I want to express but will catch you later my reader.

TC : ) love is only pain nothing else.

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Is she actually back

Hi,
Sorry for being silent for so long, I was busy with my office work and she was Ok with me again.

I know she is back and I can see that she has not stopped her previous link, she keep in touch with them and from the way she acted with them I think she is hiding that with me and having connection with him too.

Because she wanted me to leave early so bad toady when my friends was calling me for a drink. I went down for a fag and suspected her second guy that I know was still in the office and he will definitely go to her talk with her. So I can back, you know what, I was correct and not like for me, she has stopped her work and turned to him and having a very interesting chat.

So she may have tell him not to talk in front of me and to have the connection when i am not around.

Is she really back only for me, I know it is not.

This might be my only best connection that I have with her. So lonely yar and cant help it, I only love her and she love more guys.

Do you really think that she will be back with me for real? Not sure. I am typing what ever coming to my mind, so that you will learn a lesson about love.

If you are a player that is fine and best at my situation but if other person is not a player, she will hurt more like me, just think of that.

When you say you love someone, mean it and remember you can never fall in love with another one if that person also truly love you.

This is may be there were some girls who really loved me, but I never wanted them because I love my Shona.

Love truly only to the right fit (I know it's joke, you can not find it until you do and you will know it after sometime like me, then toooo late)

Sorry, I got to go. be save and happy not like me. She is having all the possible connections she can and I act like I don't realize, because I don't want to make her angry with me.

It is funny, she say I love you and flirting with other guys, but when I say that, she gets angry with me and it hurts me again, so double hurt. I will keep one hurt and wish that God end my life today.

So funny, I think even after I die, I will feel the same pain.

Sorry for telling all these things to you. I have no one else t's just this blog that probably no one will ready.

TC :( I don't know I am trying and i might be the luckiest guy if I can die today. God if you are feeling what I do, you know that it is fair. pls. help me and end my life and soul, so that no pain will come to me again and make people that truly love each other. Do no let even a enemy of mine feel this pain, it is too much and in every second.

May be I am stronger now, I can hide the pain and suffer to my self, but hurts so much that I want to rip out my heart and trust me I can feel the heat of my heart.

Oh, you know why I started smoking and drinking, So that my body gets weak and I will die soon.

Buy for real.

PS : yet, I still love her... I love you Shona, you don't know how much and how much it hurts when you do the things you do with other guys and it burns me. Anyway as long as you are happy, I will not tell those again to you, because you tell me it is disgusting for you. take care, if God hears my prayer and kills me today, I wanted you to know I love you and do not hate you.

but don't do thins to another guy who really loves you like me, it hurts like shit. TC :)

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She is back

Hi There,

As I said she is back a little bit again with me, but yet I do not know when she is going back as she is not having the intention of being with me rest of her life. She needs to make her family life so good and yet she loves me.

Those days we used to be very closed and very wonderful life. Now she calls me and talk to me but do not want to go out with me, she does not miss feeling me, she does not want to hold me or to kiss me.

This is my life. I think now it has being neutralized and she is trying to fade away from my life with out hurting me.

Anyway she do not know, no matter what I will always feel the loneliness and will not have the idea of getting married.

The reason is, if I am to marry there should be some one who can make me more than I felt with her and I will not have such one as I do not have the idea of looking for one or interacting with anyone on that way and I made a promise to her that she will be my first and only.

So this is the update as at today, even today she called me and asked about some office some and talked about it. The girls that was there to help out us in the office just left the company.

No problem, this is the update I have as at today. Let's see how it works out. Even though she talks with me I know she is not giving me the full as she used to be and she is moving away and I am feeling lonely.


C U again with another story of my love life day.

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Her Love

Her love was so beautiful. When she loves she loves a lot the problem is with me, she just needs love it doesn't matter who is giving it the matter of whose feel the most.

Guys, I never went to office for two days and almost for five days she will not see me, she never cared to call me and say hi, when i say she said , i will call you back and never happened. Guess when the new guy is around she is not missing me at all now.

So can not blame her and you know what, even now when she comes back I will welcome her with worm heart knowing that again one day she will hook up with another new young guy.

Love is like this, if the both parties in the relationship can feel and understand this, love will be so wonderful. if not if you are the person loves lot then you will be like me hopeless and can never be able to love or trust anyone else.

Sweet dreams guys, I got to imagine about her and cry as usual before I go to sleep.

For you :)

As usual for me :(

Again the lesson - Never fall in love it just hates you, if you are a player, yes go for it but find another player not a true lover then you will definitely go to hell, because that hurts lot and can not imagine how much for players.

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Crazy Love

Hi There,

You know I could not stay in the office yesterday after watching how she acts with the new guy and being angry with me for no reason. So I just came home early and stayed home today also and does not have the courage to go office tomorrow and to watch those things again. Anyway Friday is a holiday and if i stayed tomorrow I will have to go again on next Monday. I pray that God will give me strength to go office again by then.

No I think, it's time to let her go. Every times she went her away with another guy and the same guy again I pulled her back and begged her to stay with me.

I know thin guy just want to sleep with her and may be she also want the same, who knows with the way she acts.

After a relationship almost for 7 years, I will stay low this time and let her go. it's because not that I love her, because she may be have a baby with her husband when I am not with him and also due to the way she is pushing me back and acting withe the new guy, she is happier with him than me. So let her have that and be happy. (even though it kills me)

I wish her all the best and when she needs me I will be there. Even though I know, even after that she will hook up with another guy if she meets again and thinks good.

I am lost and don't know what to do and I can not work and think. Anyway she should be happy and hope this time the new guy will not hurt her. I know she just want to hook and dump as she already have a husband but I may be her wrong choice and I never let her go, but she goes and come back when it is done.

So God even though it is killing me, let her be happy and give all the wealth in this world.

No body will read this but I just write these, in case if you are reading you know if want to love, what kind of hell you are in specially if you truly love a girl like mine.

Think Twice..... Cry boy cry every night until you fall a sleep.

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Changing the Pattern

Guys,

Just now she bought her break first by sending that new guy. That used be me, now it is him. Something has happened during the weekend between them. May be a call or meet.

So nice, now I saw he is near him more than in his seat. What a wonderful experience I am having. Totally cool. I can feel my heart pumping blood so fast and can feel the heat.

She is just a witch and just hunting young guys and just drop them once they become old.

So again never fall in love. Even though I can not do this, if you can just use them and let them go, do not love them. If not they will just use you and dump you. Even now I can see he is still near her. Not like those days now staying very close and even touching her.

What to do I have to start my work like this.

See you in the afternoon with more of my life experience.

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I am sad now

Hi there,

I hope someday that someone will read this. I am so sad you know why.

As i sated in the morning today, i think she is totally hooked up with the other guy and probably more. So when I called her from out of office she never answered or called me back and I am so sad that I lost her again until she realize he is with him just to have sex.

This is so sad, I have this experience before when the the other guy hooked up with him and when she was so in love with him.

I am not sure what this life is telling me, it just sad and sad. trust me if I do not have this love I would have being so much and some once else than this. Even now I am drunk and do not know what I am feeling.

No matter what I do I remember her, even now I am watching a movie and there she comes into my mind and now I remember the things she did with other guys and doing the thing right now.

One day I will upload the sound tracks that I heard talking to another guy lovely and planning to go out with him and saw going out with him on the next day and heard saying I love you to him.

So you know how I feel now. I strongly believe that love should be taken off from this world and love only brings you pain with the girls and women in this world today.

This is totally wrong, that women is having all fun in this world and hooking up with every young guy she thinks is cool and forgetting me.

I think I also can hook up with other girls but my heart never let me do so, so comes first in my heart, there is something wrong with me. Any other guy can do this and the guys I know and my friends can do this, but I can't, i think because I truly lover her and she never care and she can do that.

Look I am so desperate I don't know what I should do. This life sucks and my love life has pain in the most of that part.

You know the magic in it, even now I still love her and she doesn't care, all she wants is love of another new young guy or her husband. I am just a looser.

Even now I want to get free and end my life which is more sensible thing, even if I leave the country I will have the same pain in my heart.

So I will get back to you tomorrow with another sad experience. I know when the time I step into the office I will see one of the things that makes me sad. But I still wanna see her face. I wish I could touch her like the way I did. :(

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Images to Express My feelings Now

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Fading Away - Why get Married or Love?

Hi,

I got late to office to day and she never even bothered to call me or check whether I am coming or not. Not only that as soon as I came to office I just called her, she did not answer the phone or never even called me back.

Or the new guy was having fun with him, touching her. You know the difference, when I go near to her, she does her own work and sometime do not even look at him, but when new guy goes there she stopped her work and turn and talk to him.

SO I just wanted to state this, let's see how this goes. I know she is fading away.

Never ever trust a girl, a women never never, they actually do not have a real heart that hearts, it is only acting and it beats only for them. What is good for her she does that, what is not good for other ones heart, she don't care as long as her heart is happy.

Remember, never ever fall in love if you have not yet. Because in this world now, the purpose does not be done. It will be just a tradition.

I think now it have being couple to get together and get married is just to love only each other lot so that each of their mid power grows and have a powerful and peaceful life. But it has being changed now and just for the purpose of pleasure. So if you see someone better you dump the existing one and just  leave, no matter how much other person loves you or get hurt.

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05-16-2013 - Physco

Hi there,

I wonder sometimes whether she has a physco issue. Because I can not imaging that some one getting close to every young guy who is talking to her and calling lovely. Even now I can see that she is talking to other new young guy (flirting) that she thinks is cool.
She knows I can see that but she doesn't care.

Now this is becoming very hard and time for me to go out of office and go for a drink. She will never learn that she will always do what please and I know and she know they are talking and getting close to her just to sleep with her.

Oh good story, she said she hates the people who are sleeping around and this is a secret thing. But bunch of our office guys went to BankKok and had sex with many girls and came back and when they were telling about it she said "What a cheep thing they have done". But now she again OK with them and also with one guy she holds him all the time he get close calling brother, but he also went that trip and slept with many.

I do not understand this guys. This sucks. SO be careful again. If you are not in love yet, do not go there, but if you are there and truly in love then God Bless You.

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How I met her

She came into my my office after me and working under a separate department  I was having an affair with a girls but not that much serious and I was a very fun guy.

We had the chance of attending to a seminar together and she was in my team and I was you know bit bright during the workshop.

I still remember, during the evening tea break she made tea for me. That was our first interaction. Then I was not in love with her and was just a friend. Then she started calling me during the office and I also used to call her.

Then I started doing a external degree and some of the people joined with me in the office and she was among them.

So after some time we used to skip class and go out. I go with the boys and they go separately  Sometimes we go for lunch together and used to sit on the stairs and talk and have fun as a group.

One day we went for a movie "Snakes on the Plane", during the movie she used to hold my hand and I felt love. She was expressing love to me.

Then those days if a missed or get late to call her in the office then she call me and act like she is angry with me for that.

So one day, when I was going home (by bus), she text me and asked what do you feel about me and then she wanted me to tell and I requested for three chances and replied,
Friend  - Then she said no
Need - then she said no
Sex - then she said no

then she called me and said that she love me. So at that time I said yes but was not OK  When time pass by I got very close to her and ended the relationship that I already had with the other girl. I started loving her truly.

Now I am with her she started and affair with another guy in the office while with me. (remember she was married to another guy at this time)
how i notice was.

• She call me in the morning in the van and call the other guy at the same time (I found the call records)
• call the other guy at night, even in the office they talked lot and she started ignoring me.
• I remember one day, in front of five people they asked from every body, in this world if every body is dead who will you get married in the office. I said her name, but she got the chance she said the other guy's name after comparing me.
• One day I was out of Colombo and way back to office and I asked her to wait till I come but she said that she has to go because her husband needs to watch a match. But one the was we saw she is coming out with bunch of office guys from a theater after a movie in the night. That guy was among them. (The same theater that she hold my hand for the first time)
• She text Him.
• She called my on my birthday to wish in the morning but called him on his birthday at mid night (Saw the call records)
• Also one day she told me that she is going out to bank with that guy to give some money. (But say she is in a thee-wheeler going for lunch and I followed them they went for tow places). You know what I was walking very far to get a spray can to paint her road on the valentine day as a surprise  I saw this on Friday and Valentine was on next day. So how did I feel..
• She get lose to him and hate him and again she get close to him. (This happens time to time, i don't know why)
• Also on another spell, we went shopping together and i bought her nice Saree for a wedding of one of our colleague  One the wedding she was ok, but when I left I notice that the other guy is falling back to stay and she was also taking to him secretly. As soon as we left she called me and asked where you are and when I said on the way she just kept the phone, (But line was not disconnected I was listening to every thing). Then she went right to him and started taking in a very soft manner and they went out of the function together and came back after a talk. I felt it from the background noise difference but could not hear everything clearly except "This is one of the most wonderful days that I had after a long time"

So I was not drinking or smoking but I started those just to forget these and still I do.

This is my love how it started and how it is killing me inside in each second.

Never fall in love if you can, the only person who has less love will have more power and more peaceful life. I realized the other person not even notice the paint that case the other person. They do what ever please them.

So you are helpless when you are there, just don't go there.

I will be sad sad only. But she is happy with her husband and have new close friends (probably has said that she love him). Will tell more about the other guy that she again hooked up with when she was with me. This guy is time to time and there are some in between.

News flash  - I still lover her do not think about anyone else apart her.

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My Love that used to Be

When she was truly and madly in love with me, my life was so beautiful and never wanted to stop living.
The feeling was so much wonderful that I can not even explain in words.

Ever second I was only thinking about her and my life together. What ever I plan was only focusing our life together. When she holds me or when I hold her, nothing else matters. Every thing that i did even at my work was successful and I was focusing well.

• She defended me every second and liked what i did. (But these days she hates those same things, because she may be comparing me with some one else). 
• She never wanted to heart my feelings even by getting close to another guy. (These days she does it lot)
• When ever she is free or early in the office she calls me and check, even she knows that i am on the way.
• She got things and talk with me for hours on the phone until battery is dead. (barely calls or talk with me)
• I was active and always had thoughts to surprise her, even daily.
• When we are together, we only laughed did not fight.
• She understand me and when she does some thing wrong she don't argue with me but just polite (Now she does the thing and even ask me "Who I am to ask")
• I was the best guy in her life (Now just a stupid guy)
• Talked from the heart, don't wanted to get close to other guys. (Now totally opposite)
• Tell every single thing in her day today life (Today nothing only need to know things and lot of secrets)
• Plan things with me (Not with me, may be with another guy or husband)
• I was the best friend in her life. (Not me)
• When I call her, she answer the phone no matter whom she is with or on the line. (Now do not answer and some time do not even call back)
• Like to go out with me (Do not like, ignoring me)

You know, till today, i have not even think of anyone else even though she went out of the track many times and leaving me. yet, she tell things and try to make me uncomfortable.

Some times I think why she is not backward compatible. (Think as the other person and how he feels from her act, but when she thinks that I do what she does she get upset and i am doing some thing wrong, but when she do the same thing it is normal and questioning will be wrong and I have corrupted mind)

So now she tells these things to me
Used to say
We will be together forever, even in the next life.
I will love you always
What ever come we will find a ways out
You plan the thing, anything is possible

Now
When there is a meeting there is always separation, don't know how long that we will be together
People change as time pass by
Don't think like a child or stupid fellow
Are you a kid to think things like this.

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Today 05-13-2013 - My Thoughts & Feelings

Hi There,

Now I realize my love life is heading no where. My girls is just staying with me just for the sake of staying (not physically). She is now more attached to a another young guy who is new in the office, i know it's just a matter of time the he is becoming her favorite and more lovable one.

He will be the most wonderful person in her life. the reason is, when she is more close to him, I am down and I am not the actual me and I become more boring and she will notice I am not any more interested. But I am because of that reason I am not. So she will be more interested him and will start an affair soon.

I don't know what to do in my life. I love her lot and I know she can not be trusted, because he get hooked up with all the nice young guys that she thinks is nice.

I am lost but i can not think of anyone else except about her. Think how it feels....... :)

My life was wonderful till the day i born and till the day I found that she is hooking up with other guys while saying I love you. Now it is hard for me to think that she can be only close friends with another guy.
Trust me till this day I was wondering what are the issues that other guys have in their life.

Now I understand this is the reason why every religion says to be single and to help others. because no matter what even you or other person in the relationship may cause you pain in the heart and you will become weak. I was a strong guy and my memory was fantastic before these, but now i am becoming weak thinking of these things daily before I go to sleep.

it's heard for me to sleep now as soon as i go to bed, these thoughts as hunting me and they are killing me.

You may say the people who suicide are stupid and worthless. But if you ever have being in the same situation you will never say that. (jump into the water and see how you the swim)

Ok. you may say that I have being in love and I have over come those. Yes, you have done that, you know why it's because you may never have loved the way or much as that person did.

Lesson - Never judge other under your level. other person may may higher or lover than the level you were.

Trust me, i believe  that I can be a player I forget her, because her is like that. she get along with any one that she can get the work done. If you read my previous posts you can understand her character. every article I post here is based on my experience with her.

Till now I do not have any hope of getting married and getting married to her, because in my heart i will always love her, but she is married to someone else and happy with him too.

So you can see life sucks and I have other way to let these out. All my close friends are getting married and moving out of the town (I have never even told this to them) I am all alone and I know I can not love any one else like the way I did to her, even though she don't know how much it is.

Hi, who ever is reading this, I can say I am out of love, I have given every single drop to her but she payed and still today playing with it. She get close to any young guy that she think is nice and when I ask you know what she told me last time. "Who are you to ask me like that?" nice words still kills me inside.

I don't know I can type with out stopping. I am crying now... and feel very lonely, thinking at this moment she is with some one else now and when she is back she is close to another guy. time to time she has a new guy.

I will stop for a smoke now and type soon......

I am back..

Love in this world is not the way as you see in movies. You may have that but other person does not. So if you find same two people like others then your life is wonderful and i say one of luckiest in this earth. trust me every body does not get this.

So I got to go. If any one is reading this (i know no body), do not betray your love just stick to it and you will find peace in your life. if not if other guy is loving you really he/she and your current spouse will be in pain.

I love my Shona but I can not have her, she is going after lover with other's too and she is married.

I really hate my life and may be deserve this for even thinking of something like that.

So every body is getting married and they are being loved and with the one they love (Or think that they love), but I got nothing and just crying every night in my bed.

See you. If you got love and if you feel it and also if that person is with you. Don't ever let go, just kick every thing behind and lover her/him. Money/glory or anything else doesn't matter, if you don't have these.

All the best I deeply with you all the best, God or any one who is controlling will never give you a love life like mine.

TC...
Cabby.....

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What is Love ?

Hi,

I know most of you may think love is a feeling. Don't get miss leaded, it is not a pure feeling, it has two modes (feeling & Need).

That is why you can love any one who seems nice, you only love when you need love and when you don't you do not love. There is a feeling called love, if you have that, you can not love every nice person who comes on you way.

Eg -
1) When you hate some one can you do the same hate to another person and replace the previous person. No, right, so that is a feeling.
2) When you lover your mother , father children , can you replace them, No, right. So it is a feeling
3) When you need love can you get it from anyone that you seems nice and good, Ohhhh. If yes, then you have a need, but if don't you have a feeling.
4) When you love you bike/phone/car, can it be replaced by a better one or model, Yes ah, so that is need

So it is very simple, In my life I have love feeling for a women who has love need. She tend to get it from anyone who seems nice and then she will not feel bad about me. If some one comes and tell her I love you you are nice, she will jump in and say I love you too and secretly go out also will forget my feelings and say bad things to me with that guy. When she feels lonely and those guys leave them, she comes back and say I love you.

Love is complex when you have love feeling and love need but when you have love feeling and love feeling or love need and love need. your relationship will be fine.

So love has two modes.
Love Need & Love Feeling.

Unfortunately I have love feeling and she has Love need. So I will cry for the rest of my life and be sad. Anyone who ask me to get over, I ask them, first jump to the water and tell me whether you can swim the way you tell me on the ground. Also you may have love need not feeling like me so you will never understand and can not tell me to get over.

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Problems in life

Dear Humans,

Technically speaking, in life there is at least one problem for a person that troubles them and keep them insane.

No matter how rich you are or no matter how beautiful or handsome you are, you will have some thing to worry. Sometime it is some thing that you have control to give up or some thing that you do not have control over.

For most of the humans it is love. When it comes to love I have noticed below,

1) The one who cares less or have more options will have more power over the relationship and will be peaceful  Because no matter what they do and no matter who they hookup with secretly, they are ok and other person will always suffer that they can not even imagine. For this party, if they do some thing wrong (hook up with some one, get close to some one, call some one all the time at home, text some one at home), it is just a normal thing and the other person is filthy to ask about that because they have a spoiled mind. But if the same thing done (Or even not) by the other party, that is wrong and they are cheating.

2) The ones who cares most and love more, this people always stuck with the other party, even though they trouble you and hookup with other guys and secretly falling love with other guys while you are their. But when the other person loves you when they need love, this person will be most happiest.

3) Bother parties love each other equally. Sorry guys I have seen this only in movies. If you have this, you are one in a million. Don't ever let go.

In my life, my girl always hook up with other new guys comes into her life and acts that is perfectly normal in a humans life in front of me. But even if i never though of something like that, she can call up a women's name (may be very very old relationship) and make me restless and get angry with me. How wonderful she is. She can say to me anytime, "pls. leave me and go". unfortunately people, I have heard what she talks with other guys and seen what she is texting and mailing. Also she say bad things to me with the other guy, (I have heard). So life sucks for me all the time. She is still the same. She say she love me and be with other guys in front of the way I get hurt and try to go out secretly, but unfortunately i see those.

So she goes away and comes back when she needs love, but when I need love when she doesn't, she just kick me out. When her life is not good, she wants me but when it is good I am garbage.

My life is like this, what to do, in all my life this is the only problem that is troubling me, other than this I have no problem or can say free man. Now she is in all my thoughts, i can never be free until she stop these things and be mine or I die. I drink every day, cry every day but she don't care because her life is fine and she likes to be close with all the guys if possible.

If there are people out there with perfect love and who do not cheat each other, you are the luckiest and if you cheat other person, trust me they know and they cry daily like me. So stop that because as a person who cheat other people and who play with other person's life and feelings, you don't know how much it hurts and you will never understand. But let the other person loves you, you will definitely reach heaven, because of that love and you will be successful.

Take Care!.
Love truly and don't cheat. if you can't don't start loving.

Love will make you strong and complete but if other person cheats you, love will make you weaker that you couldn't even imagine.

I know sometime nobody will read this, but just wanted to write this in case, some one who is cheating, playing with other's love and life will find this and do the right thing.When the day you do, just comment, because I will always be here. (just a lonely man who is being killed daily by his loving girl)

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